Coping with a family break-up

A family break-up is devastating. Are your parents separated or divorced, or have you suffered the death of a parent or sibling? If the answer is yes, you may benefit from strategies to help you cope and work through your pain. Here are a few:

Remember, you didn’t cause your family’s break-up.
Often kids believe they are the cause of their parents' problems. Seldom is this the case. You likely had no power to keep your family together, regardless of what you did or did not do.

Understand that healing takes time. It takes some people 10-15 years to adjust to the dramatic changes that come with the break-up of a family. Don't be hard on yourself if you don't function the same way you normally do. Your mind may be preoccupied with the break-up, even when you're doing other activities or consciously thinking other thoughts.

Don't make one parent a hero/heroine. Try to be objective about your parents. Most likely, they are two "flawed but still loveable" people. Making one a bad guy and the other a good guy is hard on you. Remember, there are usually two sides to every story.

Draw clear personal boundaries. There's nothing wrong with lending a sympathetic ear to a parent in need. But remember that they are not you. Try to listen without judging. Recognize that whatever happened in their relationship with the other parent is separate from your relationship with that parent. Your relationships are special and your own.

Build trusting relationships outside. Depending on your situation, you may need to find other adults you trust to be healthy, surrogate parents. You should talk to people who care about you, and whom you trust to help you express your feelings. It may help talking first with someone who doesn't know you, but can help you sort things out. Try calling the National Runaway Switchboard, 1-800-RUNAWAY.

Have other questions? Talk to us. Call 1-800-RUNAWAY.