When a Friend Wants to Run Away

How do you respond when it’s your friend who’s in pain?
Kari & Sarah:  A Story of Friendship

“I’m not thinking of running away,” Kari explained to Dana, a volunteer at the National Runaway Switchboard, “but my friend wants to run away.”

Dana told Kari that it was okay to call for help for a friend and said she must be a very good friend to care enough to call.  Dana listened while Kari explained her friend’s situation.

Kari and Sarah had been friends for over three years. They met while playing soccer for a local team. Sarah was always better than Kari was but she is also older by a little bit. Sarah spends most of her time before and even after practice at Kari’s house because Sarah doesn’t like being at her own house. Sarah’s mom and her mom’s boyfriend fight all the time and sometimes Sarah is afraid.  The neighbors have even called the police to her house a few times. Sarah says she’s never been hit but she sees them hit each other and it makes her want to run away. The police haven’t come all summer, but last weekend things got worse. Her mom’s boyfriend moved out saying he couldn’t take it anymore. Now it’s just Sarah and her mom. Sarah’s mom blamed Sarah for making him leave and told her that she could leave, too. Sarah didn’t think she meant it really, but now she thinks she might run away anyway because she hates living there so much.

Dana could tell she was scared for her friend and felt helpless even though she wanted to make everything better. Dana was concerned for Sarah, but also for Kari. Sarah had a very tense and scary home life that seemed to be full of domestic violence and mistrusting relationship with her mom. Kari really cared about Sarah and was stressed about what might happen if she couldn’t make everything better for her friend.

“I was thinking,” Kari told Dana, “that Sarah and I could both go somewhere together.” Dana listened to her plan. “Maybe there’s a shelter nearby and we could be roommates.” Kari’s back-up plan was to have her mom adopt Sarah so they could be sisters. Dana recognized that Kari had come up with two options ad Dana wanted to help her come up with other options and also some resources.

When Dana told Kari that she didn’t have to be the only one trying to help Sarah, Kari was confused. Kari had promised Sarah that she wouldn’t tell anyone about her plan to leave home. Sarah was afraid if her mom heard about it first then something really bad would happen. Kari made a promise to her friend and felt like she was entirely responsible for her friend’s fate. Dana didn’t want Kari to feel that kind of pressure and assured her that telling an adult was okay because running away was a very serious issue.

Dana helped Kari see that one of the most important parts of their friendship is the rust they have for one another. Dana asked Kari to think of an adult they both trusted. Kari thought they both trusted Kari’s mom and she thought that maybe they could talk to Kari’s mom together. Kari wasn’t entirely confident with this plan, however. She didn’t want to lose her best friend because she broke a promise and told someone else, but she also didn’t want to lose her best friend to the streets and maybe never hear from her again.

Dana and Kari talked about coming up with a plan. First Kari would tell Sarah how scared she was that Sarah might actually run away and tell her how much she wanted to help. Then, Kari would help her by giving her the number to the National Runaway Switchboard so she could call and talk to someone about running away. Kari even offered to be in the room with Sarah when she called. Secondly, Kari told Sarah that she could pick an adult they both trusted and they would go to that person for help. Kari would ask Sarah to understand that she was doing this because she truly was Sarah’s friend and she just hoped Sarah would understand that.  Kari was still a little frightened by everything. She told Dana it was the hardest thing she ever had to deal with and Dana believed her. Dana wished her luck and asked her to remember that friendship means helping and knowing when to ask others for help too.

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