Parent/Teen Talk
Think about all the things you know – all the knowledge, all the experience, all the trials and tribulations that brought you to the place you are at today as a parent. How did you learn it all? How easy were the lessons? Think back to when you were 13 or 15 and try to remember what it was like. Adolescence is one of the more difficult times in life. Teens crave the independence, but need the skills to deal with it in a healthy way. That’s why parents are the most important role models in their lives. Sometimes the most valuable lessons are the most painful or difficult and that’s why they need your help and guidance as they learn. The most important lesson: let them know that no matter how hard things are, no matter how unpleasant they are acting, you will always love them and be available to them. Here are some ways to let them know.
Share your life story – No, you don’t have to go into all the gritty details of your own teen escapades, but enough to let them know that you know what they’re going through because you’ve “been there, done that” and survived. Let them know that you understand the difficult decisions they have to make and that you’ll be there to support them.
Be around for them – It doesn’t have to be anything formal, just be available. Give them an opening to discuss feelings by engaging in discussions about sports, current events, and other interests. Open-ended questions like, “What makes your coach so good?” or “What do you think the point of the movie was?” help them formulate values that make life lessons easier to understand.
Admit it when you make a mistake – One of the hardest lessons to learn is how to admit our own faults. So imagine how hard it is to be a teen learning that lesson. Mistakes are human nature – no mistakes and the entire eraser industry would be out of business! Mistakes are here to teach us. So next time you make one, admit it, apologize and discuss how you could have done it better. This teaches your child that it’s ok to be wrong. Dealing with mistakes is the real character builder.
Tell them how you how you feel about them – Do you love your child? Tell him! Has she done something that you’re proud of? Tell her! Did he do something that you didn’t like? Tell him that too. Kids need to know that what they do makes a difference. How will they know? Tell them! Reinforce the positive and address the negative. Tell them you won’t always like them and vice versa, but that you’ll always love them.
